I stayed up until 6:00 AM because when I tried to go to bed, I found two spiders on my blanket and I thought maybe there were more and maybe the entire blanket was full of spiders, so I put my blanket out in the hall and then waited for Boyfriend to wake up and go to work so I could use his sleeping bag which I arbitrarily decided was spider-proof. It seemed perfectly logical at the time.

Anyway, I woke up at ten and I thought it was at least noon, but no. It was ten. And then I was like "Shit. I only got four hours of sleep for no reason."

And that's why I'm posting some of my drawings that I found on my computer instead of a real blog post.

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If you are new to Spaghatta Nadle, go here first.

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To be continued...

Spaghatta Nadle Part 2

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I drew this today:

I thought it was really funny.  I showed it to Boyfriend, and he looked at it for an awkwardly long time before looking up at me and making a sound that was too tainted with confusion to be considered laughter.  So I was like "Get it?" 

Boyfriend:  "No...?" 

Me:  "It's funny because those triangles only look fun to hang out with because I drew them that way." 

Boyfriend:  ...

Me:  "I could have drawn mean triangles, but I drew happy, fun-looking ones." 

Boyfriend:  "Yes you did." 

Me:  "And that's why it's funny.  I'm sure not all triangles are fun to hang out with.  Just the ones I made." 

Boyfriend:  "What is wrong with you?" 

Me:  "I don't get why you are having such a hard time with this!  Triangles don't have personalities.  I am projecting personalities onto the triangles!  And then I'm making a blanket generalization about all triangles based upon my own arbitrary projection!" 

Boyfriend:  "Okay." 

Me:  "No, you still don't get it!" 

Boyfriend:  "I get it.  It's just really weird."  

Me:  "You don't understand what a burden it is to have such an advanced sense of humor." 

Boyfriend:  "I'm sorry.  It must be terrible."  

Me:  "I bet this is exactly how Beethoven felt." 

Boyfriend:  "Beethoven played the piano." 

Me:  "I know that.  I was making an analogy.  Someday I'm going to be a famous genius and you're still going to be a hobo!" 

Boyfriend:  "Still?" 

Me:  "Yeah.  And I won't give you any money because you were such an asshole to me before I was a famous genius." 

Boyfriend: "Well, in that case, can I make you some waffles or something?" 

Me:  "Nope. Sorry. Too late. I'm going to go draw more pictures that you aren't evolved enough to understand."  

And then I drew these: 

After about 45 minutes, Boyfriend was like "What are you doing?" 

Me:  "Drawing." 

Boyfriend:  "What are you drawing?" 

Me:  "You wouldn't understand." 

Boyfriend:  "Maybe I would..." 

So then I showed the pictures to Boyfriend and he was like "The speed bump one is kind of funny..." 

I bet even Beethoven didn't have to deal with this kind of adversity.  

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If you forget Valentine's Day, you're actually kind of a hero.  For flowers.

While we're on the subject, look at this romantic card I made!

UPDATE:  As I was reading through my comments, one in particular really stood out to me: 

-Nutella on Toast

It's so sweet, yet so creepy.  So eloquent.  I just don't know what to say!  

And we have a rebuttal! 

-Maxie

(To settle any confusion, I have lived in both Idaho and Montana, but I currently live in Montana.  I don't know whether to give the points to Maxie for accuracy or to Nutella on Toast for successfully stalking my childhood...) 

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I took Boyfriend to the Emergency Room last night because he was vomiting up vast quantities of what I thought was blood but actually it was just Craisins. You guys, if you feel like you may become violently ill in the near future, stay away from red food. Failure to do so may create an atmosphere of unnecessary panic and chaos.

Anyway, the doctor wanted to make sure that Boyfriend didn't have SARS or stomach AIDS or something, so he had to poke him a lot. While he was doing this to Boyfriend, he pointed to a little reference chart on the wall and asked Boyfriend to rate his pain::

You've probably seen some version of that chart before.  You may also have noticed how inadequate it is at helping you.  Based on the faces, this is my interpretation of the chart:

0:  Haha!  I'm not wearing any pants!

2:  Awesome!  Someone just offered me a free hot dog!

4:  Huh.  I never knew that about giraffes.

6:  I'm sorry about your cat, but can we talk about something else now?  I'm bored.

8:  The ice cream I bought barely has any cookie dough chunks in it.  This is not what I expected and I am disappointed.

10:You hurt my feelings and now I'm crying!

 None of that is medically useful and it doesn't even have all the numbers, so I made a better one with all the numbers:

0:  Hi.  I am not experiencing any pain at all.  I don't know why I'm even here.

1:  I am completely unsure whether I am experiencing pain or itching or maybe I just have a bad taste in my mouth.

2:  I probably just need a Band Aid.

3:  This is distressing.  I don't want this to be happening to me at all.

4:  My pain is not fucking around.

5:  Why is this happening to me??

6:  Ow.  Okay, my pain is super legit now.

7:  I see Jesus coming for me and I'm scared.   

8:  I am experiencing a disturbing amount of pain.  I might actually be dying.  Please help.

9:  I am almost definitely dying.

10:  I am actively being mauled by a bear.

11: Blood is going to explode out of my face at any moment.

Too Serious For Numbers:  You probably have ebola.  It appears that you may also be suffering from Stigmata and/or pinkeye.

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Because waking up to "Mambo Number Five" by Lou Bega feels like being stabbed in the face with music.

UPDATE: Just because I feel that listening to "Mambo Number Five" by Lou Bega is like being bludgeoned repeatedly with the worst part of every song ever and it's even worse because it gets stuck in your head for six months and pretty soon you are on your knees clawing at your face, yelling "GET IT OUT! GET IT OUT!" until you seriously start to consider fishing it out of your brain with a meat hook, doesn't mean that everyone feels that way.

Alert reader, Kiley, said she likes Lou Bega and I was like "WHAT???" but then I realized that he probably didn't reach the top of the charts because he made everyone bleed from the face.  The reality is that some people like Lou Bega.

Curious about this phenomenon, I asked Kiley what she likes about him and she replied that his music makes her feel like dancing.

This made me realize that that is exactly why I don't like "Mambo Number Five" by Lou Bega.   It's like Lou Bega is standing right there, prodding you and yelling "HEY!  GET UP AND DANCE!! DANCE BECAUSE WE'RE HAVING FUN! FUNFUNFUNFUNFUNFUNFUN!!!! PARTY TIME!!!"

And then I'm like "No Lou Bega, not party time..."

And Lou Bega is like "YES PARTY TIME!!! PARTYPARTYPARTYPARTYPARTY!!!!!"

And I'm like "SHUT UP LOU BEGA!  IT'S 5:00 AM!!"

And Lou Bega's all "FUNPARTYFUNPARTYPARTFUNFUNFUNPARTYPARTYFUN!!!!"

It's like being raped with fun.

And that's why I don't like "Mambo Number Five" by Lou Bega.

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