I normally wouldn't post something like this because I'm classier than that and I have dignity, but sometimes I just post stuff because I can and today is one of those days. Also I don't feel like I have accumulated enough comments on Friday's post so usually what I would do is not post anything and hope that I can trick you guys into thinking that the post on the top of the page is new and therefore worthy of your attention and commentary. But not today. Today, I am posting irresponsibly. Like if I usually didn't do drugs and then one day, I decided to do drugs and get pregnant and drink moonshine and drive to Texas to meet up with some dude named mikehunt69 whom I met on Craigslist. That would be irresponsible. And so is this.
Maybe you should just read what I wrote yesterday again. And watch the video because the end is awesome and there is a picture of a cat-shark in it. And also Bear Grylls.
Anyway, if you have exhausted all other options, read on...
I've noticed that Twitter likes to come up with cute little word combinations that make ordinary words or phrases more Twitter-related. For example:
Twaffic: "Twitter traffic."
Tweetheart: "Twitter sweetheart" which, in my opinion, is a step down from "Craigslist whore-friend" and is probably not something that should exist, but apparently it does exist and I'm patenting the phrase "twivorce" right now before it's too late and I've missed my opportunity to profit off of the misery of others.
Twittastic: "Fanstasic, but not just regular fantastic: fantastic on Twitter"
Twitterrhea: "Twitter diarrhea" which can mean "too many loose, watery tweets" or "tweeting while pooping violently" which is probably something that has actually happened and that makes me die inside.
Twitterholic: "Twitter alcoholic" or "Twitterer who is like an alcoholic, only instead of alcohol, they are addicted to tweeting" which is is not a real disorder and actually undermines the legitimacy of alcoholism by mere association. It's like saying "Haha, I'm a twitterbetic and I need to tweet regularly or else I'll have a tweizure!" You sound like an asshole.
Twitter posts a random sample from these cute little abominations - "twifinitions," if you will -in their sidebar so that all the Tweeters out there can stay current on the hottest new "twingo" and "twargon." But today, Twitter finally took this cute little game too far:
Twi-Haiku? You didn't think of maybe trying Twaiku first? Or is this some cruel joke on the entire twittosphere where you point out how stupid we are by sabotaging your already scant credibility? Are you even trying anymore?
Twuit it Twitter. I've twad tweenough of your twinanigans. I will twack you down and twangle you until you twi-die. Then I will twisembowel you with a twamurai tword. Then I will twesurrect you. Then I will twill you again. With my twuck. Then I will set you on twi-fire and twape you in the eye with a twap-on. Because I'm a twiropyronecrophiliac. And I have twAIDS. And you will get them! Haha!
Consider that a tweat.
Tweace out, bitch.
