Hi haters! Welcome to my blog!
I seem to be rapidly approaching my goal of becoming an important part of the internet because I woke up this morning to a string of badly misspelled hate mail and syntax-free angry comments. Normally, this would have made me crumple into a heap of trembling anxiety and self-hatred, but for the last few weeks, I have been secretly training to withstand superhuman amounts of hatred by hitting myself in the face with a bag full of bird carcasses, so I'm ready for this.
First of all, congratulations for noticing that I draw pictures! Apparently, other people draw pictures too! I know this because you have kindly informed me that I am copying Natalie Dee, XKCD, The Oatmeal, Nicholas Gurewitch and several 4Chan memes.
While I must admit to being influenced by
all of those sources, I feel that the diversity and breadth of your accusations prove that I am not
copying any one of them. Also, I don't know if you've ever drawn anything, but there are a limited number of ways to draw a face. I could draw something like this:
But that picture doesn't really make any sense. No one would understand what I was even trying to do.
Haters, you also pointed out that I wrote about cake and pie and that other people in the world have written about cake and pie too. This is true. I am sorry that I talked about something that other people have talked about before. Please allow me to apologize by providing a preview of what it would look like if I only posted unique combinations of words that had never been talked about before:
That was stupid. No one wants to read about that because it has no context and it doesn't even have any sentence-structure. I will never, ever, EVER intentionally copy someone else's work, but the internet is really big and no matter what precautions I take, chances are good that I will say something at some point that has been said before. That's just how statistics work. I am sorry.
Anyway, I have been told that if I want to do lots of shit on the internet and have lots of people see it, I will have to deal with haters.
Forever. Luckily, I wrote this post and every time I get an email accusing me of stealing something or telling me that I suck or that I'm going to hell for swearing, I can simply reply with a link and then go about the rest of my day doing important things like blogging about pie and drawing pictures of bears.
P.S. In the interest of fairness, I feel that I should also mention the overwhelming amount of
positive feedback I've gotten in the last few days. For every hate-filled email or comment I've received, there have been at least 100 supportive and wonderful emails/comments. Even my rigorous hatred-withstanding training could not have gotten me through this without you guys.
Thank you. You make me love the internet so much that my face hurts.
